remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
