Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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