Already got asked if we're dating
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need a beard to bite.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize