i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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