no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
