take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
