Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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