I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
