I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
