it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
