I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
