How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize