cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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