High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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