it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
