I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
