can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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