I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
