Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Couch. On fire.
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