Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize