Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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