i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
