Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
