he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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