Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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