My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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