And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
