so that wasnt chicken after all
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
