dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
