Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
