Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
