dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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