Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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