So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
