why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
