would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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