I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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