its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
