everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
