my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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