that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
