I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
