im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
