Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Randomize
