I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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