We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
