my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
