You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
