we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
