Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
