I can text with my tongue
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
