i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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