Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize