I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
