apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
