On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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