what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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