marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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