Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
