But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
