Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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