a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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