what day is it and did you see me today?
time to smoke my breakfast
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
