I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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