She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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