and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
