just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
