And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
