my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
