why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
