just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
