: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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