ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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