literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
