Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
